Make space for your child’s big feelings and take time to reassure them frequently throughout the pregnancy and beyond.
Bringing new life into the world is a beautiful and challenging journey, and each member of your family may experience it differently.
If you already have children at home, you may be wondering how to prepare them for the arrival of a new sibling. As a parent, it’s normal for you to question the best way to help your children navigate the experience of a new addition in the home. Depending on their age, they may not entirely understand what it means to gain a new brother or sister.
But no matter how old, there are plenty of ways you can talk to your kids to help them understand how their world is about to change. Here are some ways our clients at Magnolia Birth House are preparing older children for the arrival of a new baby.
Talk About the New Baby — and Listen
This may seem obvious, but simply sitting down to talk to your child about your pregnancy and what it means is the first step. It’s up to you to decide at what point in pregnancy it feels right to discuss. Depending on your own feelings, you may be comfortable having a conversation soon after your positive pregnancy test, or you might decide to wait until after your first ultrasound. If you have more than one child at home, you may choose to discuss the exciting news individually or all together. There is no right or wrong answer, so do what feels right for your family.
Just as important is listening in return. Once you’ve explained that a new baby is on the way, take some time to really listen to what your child has to say. If your child is young, they may not have much to say, as the concept is a bit more difficult to grasp for toddlers and preschoolers. You may find, however, that they will begin to integrate the new baby in imaginary play. This is normal and a sign that your little one is processing the news in their own way. If your child lets you, join in their free play and help them learn by drawing pictures of your growing family, caring for a baby doll, or “playing house” with the new baby in the picture.
If your child is old enough to understand, they might have questions.
“Where will the new baby sleep?”
“Where will I go when you have the baby?”
“What will I do as a big brother/sister?”
These are all common, normal concerns for a child to have when they learn they’ll be promoted to big brother or sister. Make space for your child’s big feelings and take time to reassure them frequently throughout the pregnancy and beyond.
“This is a great time to pull out baby books and photos of your older child’s birth. Talk about the process and feelings of excitement and love you had when they were born. ”
Use Words your Child Will Understand
Conversations may be simpler with an older child who has a more developed vocabulary and a better understanding of how the world works, but it’s possible at any age.
Use age-appropriate language to describe the way your baby is growing in your body. Refer to ultrasound photos, if you have them, to see if your child can find the head, arms, and legs of their new baby sibling. Explain that you may need to rest more than usual and come up with fun things you can do together when you need to take a moment to relax.
Also be aware of your own body language and feelings as you have these conversations. Your child may pick up on subtle feelings of excitement, joy, or worry. Even if your child is not old enough to fully grasp pregnancy and birth, they will catch onto and may even reciprocate your emotions.
This is a great time to pull out baby books and photos of your older child’s birth. Talk about the process and feelings of excitement and love you had when they were born. It may be difficult for your child to share you with the new baby at first, but reminiscing on your pregnancy and birth with them can be a special way to connect and help them understand the process.
Involve Them
There is much to prepare for the arrival of a new baby. Likewise, there are many ways you can involve your child in that preparation.
Your children can accompany you as you shop online or in-person for baby supplies. Allow your child to make some choices when it comes to new outfits, blankets, and other baby gear. Involve your child in making the baby’s space inviting and cozy.
Afterward, praise your child for their help and empower them as they begin to embrace their new role as a helpful, involved big brother or sister.
Read Books
Reading is a wonderful way to explore concepts with children. Children learn about letters, numbers, and colors through books, and the same goes for pregnancy and birth.
There are many options for books that describe what it is to become a big brother or sister. You can purchase them online or take your child to the library to explore. For younger children, you may find picture books are more helpful. Books about bringing home a new baby will include words like, “sister,” “brother,” and “new baby,” helping to normalize the change that’s about to take place.
Books are also a great way to gently deliver the hard truths that come with becoming a new sibling. They’ll often touch on delicate subjects like the new baby requiring a lot of time and attention, newborn fussiness, and even how sleep (or lack thereof) may be an adjustment for everyone in the beginning.
Talk about Birth
Your children can accompany you as you shop online or in-person for baby supplies.
Some parents shy away from conversations about birth, but we encourage you to have open, honest discussions as much as you feel comfortable. If you have curious children, chances are you won’t have to initiate much of the conversation. They will likely come to you with questions, to which you give age-appropriate answers.
“How does the baby come out?”
“What is labor?”
“What will birth be like for you?”
Answering these questions is especially important if you plan for your children to attend your birth. The experience can be quite intense, so be sure to explain the sights, sounds, and general timeline of events surrounding the new baby’s birth.
Prepare Them for Time Away
Depending on where you’ll be birthing, you may need to explain to your child that you’ll be gone for a few hours or days before the baby comes home.
If your child isn’t accustomed to being without you or your support person, prepare them by scheduling time with the adult who will be caring for your child during birth. Whether it’s a grandparent, babysitter, or trusted friend, introduce your child to this person beforehand and allow them plenty of chances to become comfortable in their presence.
If you’re planning a home birth, discuss where they’ll be during the birth, whether that’s with a caregiver in your home or at another loved one’s house.
Plan Special Moments Ahead of Time
When the baby is born, offer a small gift “from the baby” to the older sibling, and allow your child to pick one to give to the baby as well.
You can also plan a special outing with a grandparent or trusted caregiver while you are birthing or recovering. Ensure your support system is prepared to give special time and attention to your big kid(s) while you are birthing life and soaking in the newborn bliss.
And don’t forget the “special” moments are also in the small ones. Children love to help, so talk with your child before birth about all the ways they wish to be involved. Give them special “jobs” like fetching diapers or burping the baby so they feel connected and excited for their new role.
Learn More About Miami’s Premier Natural Birthing Center
As you prepare for the birth of your baby, we have full confidence that you’re well equipped for the journey ahead. Helping children prepare for a new baby is a big step, and we’re here to help however we can.
At Magnolia Birth House, our promise is to empower you with knowledge, instill you with confidence, and support you in taking control of your pregnancy and birth experience. If you’d like to learn more, fill out our form to set up a free consultation!
